So I was just reread my very first blog called “God wants your heart” and I am finding it completely ironic in the context of my life at the moment. God did something really crazy in me last week. To sum it up, He basically showed me a piece of my heart that was so far away from Him and that He was going to go to extreme measures to get it out.
Last Tuesday was just kind of weird. I noticed that afternoon I had a dull pain near my right lung. As the afternoon progressed the pain increased and grew very sharp everytime I took a breath. Everyone I talked to about it (including a med student) said it was most likely a pulled muscle or bruised rib, something that would take weeks to heal. I was going to let a PA check it out but for some reason I decided to head back to the center. Later that evening the pain intensified and the group began to pray over me. Others discerned that the pain was not just a physical thing, but it was a physical manifiestation of something deeper. I was extremely confused by what it could have been, but after a couple hours of crying and praying I began to let God teach me what He was trying to do. He wanted my heart. He wanted me to accept His love fully and let Him into this area of my life I was holding on to. It was an area that I had kind of just grown numb to over several years. As I was laying on the ground in probably the most intense pain in my life, I realized how much God really loved me and how He truly desired to heal me and take over completely. I began to breathe out the pain and breathe in His love. The pain finally subsided and I was able to breathe without any discomfort. After a day all signs of pain or discomfort were completely gone.
I know that if God would not have allowed me to suffer like that for a couple of hours, I would have not been able to truly grasp how much I was greiving the Spirit by not allowing Him into this part of my life. I would not have understood that I needed to let Him heal me, and that He could and will do it!
God is so good and I still have a lot I am working through. It is hard but I am able to see the beauty in it. I am just trying to soak up His love and accept it, so I may be able to love others and experience the joy that comes with it all.
God wants your heart – SERIOUSLY! He is so jealous for us that He WILL go to extreme measures to have all of us. Accept His love, because there is NOTHING BETTER.
