When I left on this trip, we had 11 young adults varying in age from 18 to 22 years old. I pictured myself as a youth group leader, hopefully with slightly less of the "ssshhhhhhh"-ing during a church service.
I never pictured myself turning into a MOM.
I didn't realize it was happening until I had already begun the transition. I mean, as a leader you are answering questions every day about every subject, so that started day 1. Travel days, making sure everybody is together and accounted for and nobody gets lost. But it was several weeks in when the following scenario took place that I realized how quickly the change happened:
Haille: (walking into the bathroom) Shawndell? Shawndell??
Shawndell: (from the shower) What Haille?
Haille: Is it cool if we watch the rest of the movie? Do we have team stuff to do?
Shawndell: I don't know… Go ask Ryan.
And as I was scrubbing the suds out of my hair, I laughed out loud. I had totally just pulled the "go ask dad" card.
It went downhill quickly from there, when a day or two later I was waiting in the truck to head to ministry and I watch Haille approaching, her mind in her own little world.
"Haille, Haille honey….. HAILLE, you need shoes on to go to ministry."
After that, the everybody on the team started calling me Mom:
"Mom, can Amy and I go the grocery store today?"
"Mom, what time is family time?"
"Mom, my stomach hurts."
"Mom said we can have a movie night!!!"
And I catch myself saying things that only confirm the steady shift to motherhood:
"Marcus, please don't kill yourself."
"Josh, NO MORE CANDY!"
"I asked you to go GET Josh. If I wanted to yell for him, I could have done that."
"I refuse to repeat myself one more time."
"I know you don't like tea, but I promise it will help your throat feel better."
"….. 6, 7, 8, 9, …… Who are we missing?"
Those are just a few of the symptoms I have recognized within myself. I have also heard medical advice worthy of any mom standards coming out of my mouth, and I've wondered: "Where did that come from? Cause that sounds legit!" Being woken up in the middle of the night to pray for stomach pains and stroking hair while waiting to see the doctor feels natural to me. And the evil eye… Well, let's just say I've got that down pat.
But I recognize the mom most in myself when I think of my "kids" with pride: hearing Allegra share the song she wrote, having Lindsey and Kacie ask to start their own women's Bible study, seeing Nay-nay pick up the guitar again, enjoying when Josh and Marcus teach and preach, listening to Haille lead worship and watching Amy light up on the dance floor. My heart rejoices to think about how I have seen each of them grow in the last 4 months, the confidence that they have exploded into and the love that they share for one another. Even as we begin debriefing in our last week here in Nica, I have loved hearing them share stories and listen to them calling out how each person has grown and changed since they met at Training Camp.
They are not the same…. And neither am I.
The team at New Song Mission for evening service, along with some of our many Nicaraguan friends
