Why Was I Chosen?

Imagine this… 90 degree weather, 70 plus percent humidity, no air conditioning and scorching sun. Most people in the US would look at that and go into cardiac arrest. And to be honest the last three weeks I thought I was going to die at 19 from a heart attack. (joking, kinda). 

These past few weeks I’ve constantly being asking myself the question of, “why am I here?”. Why did God choose ME of all people in the world to come to Nicaragua? A girl who loves her make-up, her lotions and perfumes, her hair clean, her armpits shaven, her nails done and her skin zit free? Why me? This question has been asked in my head and in my prayers countless times. We start building a dirt road with rocks bigger than my head and I’m wondering, why me? Dropping sweat while sled hammering rocks into dirt. I asked this question as I went door to door in a completely Spanish speaking village trying to share Gods love. Doing this while knowing zero Spanish and it seems like I’m talking to a wall with all these blank faces starring back at me. Asking this question while going to church services in, again, all in Spanish feeling further and further away from God. Asking, does God actually know I’m here? Actually know I’m trying so hard? And then it all become evident to me. I wasn’t here to moan and cry about what I wasn’t doing, He was waiting for that moment. And that happened to be this past weekend. 

We went to Léon for the weekend because there was some type of convention here at the compound. So before we left we had to pack up ALL of our belongings, take down pictures of friends and family, clean the rooms and then again the question popped into my head. Why am I here? We arrive to Léon and get into a hostal with 3 bunk beds, 6 girls, 2 showers, 2 toilets and one sink. Then once again asking God, why am I here. But without my knowledge and in Gods greatest plan, that question was going to be answered. 

We arrive at an orphanage in Léon not really knowing how old the kids were, if they spoke English, if they are healthy, really nothing. I walk in and an instant peace fell over me. As I looked at the two 11 year old boys, a mere 27 pounds, laying completely limp on a bed, an over weight 4 month year old baby covered in heat rash with a severe lung problems happily smiling laying in a hammock. This is when I realized, this is why I am here. This is why God chose me. This was MY time to shine. Immediately I grabbed and loved and loved on that overweight baby. Heavy or not, covered in rash or not, dirty or clean, I wasn’t letting go. I look over to the bed of two 27 pound immobile boys and a smile that lit up the room. I will never forget that image. As I laid there with the two of them, I was informed by the mother of the orphanage that San Juan, one of boys, just a few weeks ago had a heart attack. And as she said this, she had a smile on her face. At first I was thinking why in the world is this crazy lady smiling as she told me an 11 year old boy just had a heart attack. But, I continued to listen. She continued to say that God was waiting for San Juan, He was right at his door waiting for him to join him in heaven. But God knew there was something left in that little boy. That one day he will walk, one day he will see again and no matter the state of this 27 pound, 11 year old boy was at, he was Gods beautiful child. 

And there I was, days and hours before this, complaining about taking an hour of my time to pack up, when this little boy who could not see, could not walk, could not eat without a tube, had a smile that lit up everyone’s faces. God showed me that day that He lives in every single one of us. That He has a purpose for even that little boy, who a lot of people may think he’s useless in this world. But that BEAUTIFUL little boy changed my life. He gave me an explanation of why I am here, in 90 degree weather and a zitty face. Because that little boy needed love. That overweight 4 month year old needed to be held and never let go of. That even during the crappiest of days and the hottest/sweatiest ones, I instantly can think of those helpless faces. And to see smile on them all, just by giving them my love and that changes my whole mind set. 

God sent ME because I loved make-up, nail polish, smooth skin and shaved pits. That there is SO much more to life than that. And it’s simply to love. Love everyone and love them hard. 

And never, ever stop. 

“Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God.”

-Phil. 2:14-16.