There is Always More Than What Meets the Eye

Its true. 

We may see a truly bright and hopeful person, somebody who seems super happy and has the brightest smile, but underneath their are a lot of deep wounds. Scars that are visible in the mind everyday, but outside their hidden by the clothes we wear and the face we put on, to hide the fact that there is more.

I see that in a lot of the children here at the orphanage in Omotepe, Nicaragua. Juan* for example, is a boy of five or six years, and while he plays and acts silly all the time, there is some very real heartbreak. One night, Juan was playing as the referee for the soccer game some of the boys slightly older than him were playing. He was blowing his little train whistle and making different calls, which is perfect, because his normal characteristic is being in charge. We here at the island even call him El Heffe (the boss). I called him over and told him that he was doing a great job and that he was a good ref, he looked at me and suddenly with very heartbroken eyes he said, "no." At first I tried to lighten the mood and said in a happy voice, " ¡Si, es muy bien!" But little El Heffe, once again, replied, "no." I realized that there was a lot more to little Juan, and that inside there was even more hurt and painful scars on his little soul than I thought I would have encountered. 

So I opened my journal.

Juan loves to draw little pictures and explain who he is drawing and why he drew them that way. At first when I opened my journal, the first thing he did was look at my bug bites (at the time I had 58 bug bites on my legs, I'll take them as battle wounds and wear them proudly, I think) and he touched one and I said, "las picas" (slang for bug bites), and he drew a picture of him squashing a spider. 

Then he started looking through my journal, touching every page with words and asking if I wrote them and I said yes. 

I knew at that moment that this little boss needed something very tangible to let out his feelings on.

I asked him if he wanted to write on some of my papers in my journal, he said yes. I handed him a pen, and he went to work. Now, Juan, doesn't know how to write, except for his name. So he wrote constantly in scribbles. He did this on three pages. You know how a kid remembers what they wrote and they tell you what they wrote but when you look at it, its complete nonsense. Well, this was what he was writing, complete nonsense, but he would stop and re-read what he wrote, knowing exactly what those little scribbles were conveying. He actually wrote on the back of one of my journal pages and I knew that he needed his little journal entry more than I needed to hold on to mine. To him, it was an outlet, a way to let go of his burdens. So  I gave it to him. He needed it more. He also asked for three more sheets of paper, which I gave him.

The thing is, God knew exactly what both Juan and I needed. On that journal page was a portion of the sermon that I listened to in church, but what was also written down was some burdens that I was holding on to. Things in the past that I wasn't letting go, things that were holding me in bondage from actually living life. I prayed earlier in training camp with one of my leaders to let go of the burdens that I have been carrying. I prayed again in Nicaragua when I felt my thoughts brood over some of these secret burdens. 

And you know what?

God took them away. In a tangible way, He showed me that I don't need to be carrying them. He didn't relieve me of just my burdens, he helped Juan release the burdens of his soul, as well. 

Many people see Christianity as binding and restricting. The thing is, it's not. It is freedom. I am blessed that I am not bound by the guilt that has made me struggle for so long. God loves me and Jesus died on the cross, so that my sins are paid. That's it. All we have to do is ask. It doesn't take long to seek Him out, for God has always been seeking for us first. God asks us to let down our burdens and to let down the things that actually bind us from actually living: whether it be obsessions, guilt, TV shows, games, or even ourselves. 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I find that a marvelous and wonderful thing. I'm learning more everyday, whether it be joy or sorrow, but one important thing I am learning, is that no matter who it is, there is always more than what meets the eye.