There are times when the Lord really tests you. When he says “give me this, so I can grow you better. So that our relationship will strengthen.
And this week was one of those times. God told me that to deepen our relationship, I was going to have to lay some people at his feet. To give them less of a priority. To give him the first place of my heart.
And I was really scared to do it. The ones he asked me to lay down were those closest to my heart; ones I went to in times of trouble. He kept telling me that He needed to be my all; that He alone could get me through any trouble I faced.
Very slowly and cautiously, I began to lay them down. At the moment, I felt so open and vulnerable. Totally exposed and not liking it.
So I asked God something. I asked him to show me that he loved me. It didn’t have to be big or huge or something anyone else saw. Just something that said “I love you, my daughter”.
Fun fact, Nicaragua has horses all over the place, and I absolutely love horses. Ever since we arrived, I wanted to ride one of them. And lo and behold, the day I asked God to show me he loved me was the day he provided a horse to ride.
I didn’t have to say anything. Didn’t have to ask to ride. An elder man came to the base we live on for some medicine, and just let me ride his horse.
It was absolutely wonderful. The feel of the saddle underneath me, a huge machete slapping against my hip, this incredible powerful animal underneath me following the urges of my hands and feet.
In case you couldn’t tell, I got a little bit excited!
And as I rode, I just kept hearing “I love you. I love you. I love you”. For so long, I had looked for people to approve of me, think well of me, and love me. But in that moment, God showed how much his love for me is enough. That the only thing that matters is that He loves me.
After the ride, a word kept coming to my mind. The word was “libre”, which in English means “free”.
Free to bask in the sun of his love.
