There is Importance in Vunerability

               For many years I have struggled with the lie: “you are unwanted”. This lie came into my head and the devil found ways to make me believe it. Then I would think about how I do have people around me who want me and love me so dearly. Unfortunately, I let this cause me to hide these feelings even more rather than comfort them because I didn’t really have a reason to complain so I decided to hold it in. This just allowed the thoughts to fester up inside of my head and a belief that I had to be strong and fight these feelings overwhelmed me. Although at times these feeling would pass, they kept coming back.

              Friday, this feeling of unwantedness overwhelmed me. I started to be slightly sad about friendships and I wanted others to realize my sadness without me speaking up. When they didn’t, I figured no one wanted to get to know the weak parts of me; no one desired to hear my cries. Then the battles in my head began. One side fought hard saying, “you will just be a hassle and take away from other things these people want to be doing, they don’t actually want to help you,”. While the other side told me to be vunerable with people, we were given fellowship to support and pray for eachother. I made an agreement with myself: Natalie, if you see anyone not in a group talk to them, if not leave it alone. Their was no one alone and so I decided to try to be independent. I prayed for myself but didn’t ask for anyone else’s help to rebuke these feelings.

               I went to bed hoping in the morning I would feel better. I did… a little. However I could tell my mind wasn’t as focused on God and his love as it had been. A cloud of lies formed over my eyes blocking my ability to love others though Jesus. I decided I needed to talk to someone. Therefore, I prayed for boldness to become more vunerable with those around me and be able to lean on others for help to grow closer to the lord as a body.               

                 After our morning bible study, I knew I needed to talk to someone. An amazing girl on our team was sitting right beside me so I quickly asked her to talk before I convinced myself I shouldn’t. We went over to our own area and I began to share all my emotions. She just listened, shared an empathizing story, and prayed over me. The clouds were already starting to clear up. I then continued to ask people for help when I felt upset and had others pray over me as well. After people prayed and rebuked the lies inside my head, a sense of relief and peace came over me. The clouds over my eyes were gone.                

                   I learned that God wants to be the one to take care of us. He wants us to lean on him and others around us to grow closer to him. To do this I had to follow James 4:10 “Humble yourselves before The Lord, and he will lift you up”. I humbled my ability to take care of myself and my independent desires which allowed God to be the one to take care of those. When it comes down to it, he is the only one who can. I needed him and needed others to help me pray for that. As it says in James 5:16 “therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may he healed.” The prayers of my team allowed the lies of the devil to leave and the truth from God to come so that he could continue to fill me with his love so that I can better work for the glory of his kingdom.               

                   To everyone out there who experiences those lies about who you are, remember there is power in prayer. Vulnerability with others will only open up paths for freedom from burdens and intimacy with others. I pray for boldness for all who experience this so that you may remember to speak up and allow the body of believers to help take on your burdens. It comes down to allowing yourself to be weak so the body can be made strong as you all come together in prayer to Jesus and allow him to be the one to save your life.