What is so special about me?
Why would God want me to go on this trip?
How could I possibly help the people in Nicaragua?
These are the questions that have plagued me for a long time. But that was before training camp.
The first day there we were asked to write a list of what defines us and we had to figure out which attributes were the real us and which were masks we put on to hide the attributes we didn’t like. This is the first time anyone has asked me to do this, and frankly, the first time I really looked at who I am and who I pretend to be. I began to find things that I didn’t like. All of the insecurities that I had hidden for so long rushed to the surface and I started stewing on them all day long. All of the doubts I had about not finding a purpose for myself or that I wasn’t good enough to be a missionary kept coming in waves until they were all I could think about. When evening worship finally rolled around I could only just speak empty words that I didn’t feel because I was consumed with questioning God.
That is, until Melody came up behind me.
My team leader told me that she felt God wanted her to pray for me. And then she started pouring God’s truth over all of the lies that I had talked myself into believing.
What is so special about me?
You are My Creation
Why would God want me to go on this trip?
I brought you here for a purpose.
How could I possibly help the people in Nicaragua?
Trust Me, let me work through you.
Isaiah 41:9-10 says “I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid. for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
For so long I had hidden behind questions that I didn’t want the answers to that I had forgotten what this all about. To follow his lead and lean into his power. I had forgotten that this isn’t about me, it’s about letting go of my plans and letting God use me to reach others. God used my time at training camp to show me that my insecurities are nothing next to his grace.
When I laid down my fear of not being good enough, God showed me that I can never not be good enough to do his work. He filled me with so much joy and peace I thought I would fly through the roof when He let me know that He is so much bigger than all of my questions and doubts because he is the One who chose me. And that is one of the best feelings in the world.
So I challenge you, to look through the lies that the Devil puts in front of you because he uses those fears to hide the person God wants you to be.
I challenge you to take a risk.
To grab your insecurities and release them to the Father.
To let God’s love pour over every scar.
To know that He has so much planned for you if you will trust Him.
So drop the questions and go to the One who has the answers.
