It's hard.
We live in a critical society. A society that is constantly struggling to be the best, to know it all, and has the need to put incredibly high standards on everything. This society has such high standards that there is a constant fear of being vulnerable or opening up about weaknesses or opinions. We live in a society that is quick to condemn and quick to judge.
Examples of this: Models starving themselves to be so thin it is unhealthy. On top of that, photographers photoshop the images to make any "imperfections" into "perfections". The result of this is that the rest of society, feeling like they have a weakness in their looks, spends a huge amount of money to correct their "imperfections", that will NEVER be corrected because it is impossible and the standard had been set to something unachievable.
Still, we have eating disorders, unhealthy diet fads, and hundreds of make-up and skin care products.
On the other hand, we are quick to judge on a more personal level. Share your opinion, and it is very likely you will be attacked. Share your feelings or viewpoint and it has the potential to be turned against you. Share your thoughts, and it could be the next big hit in the gossip world.
It's hard to be vulnerable. Society has taught us to be quick to follow the popular belief. Society has taught us that being different means there is something wrong.
I'm here to say, it is not true. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Being vulnerable opens up a new realm of possibilities. It opens up chances for relationships, it helps you realize traits you never realized you had. It helps you come to terms with the struggles you are dealing with.
This week, I've realized that it so true. During one of our team times (with all 19 girls, may I add, its great to be back together with everyone!?!) our team leaders asked us a very simple, but heavy-ladened question: "What are you dealing with currently?" Let's just say, things got real.
Quickly we realized that everyone deals with a very personal struggle, and almost all of us has had experiences dealing with the same issues that everyone was struggling with. What I shared, I believe will change my life forever. I have struggled with all my life with my low self esteem and self worth. I never believed I was worth anything. I wasn't good looking, I was overweight, no one cared what I had to say, I was afraid of being wrong (even when I was pretty sure I was right), I was always constantly questioning myself, and my opinions were something I should probably hide to myself.
I had put myself down so much that I began to believe I was truly worthless.
Then the girls told me something that I'm working on believing. That I'm beautiful, gentle, and loving. God made me in HIS image. Why would he make any of us ugly? He made us unique. Why wouldn't we have great traits that are unique to us?
In fact, through vulnerability we were able to became real. We uplifted everyone in their struggles. Sometimes, it takes others to really reveal the complete and utter beauty that others have and to share that what we see as our weaknesses are actual lies or blessings and valuable gifts, especially when we can't see it.
After this intense session, something was lifted. We cried, we felt joy, we gave hugs. For the past two days, I have been inexplicably tired. I thought it was due to the medication I am taking for my bug bites (yes, I'm allergic to an insect here), but after the session, I was wide awake. This morning, I wasn't even sleepy after taking my medication. It hit me. I was being held and smothered by a negative force-it may sound crazy, but I'm going to say it was the enemy. For awhile, a lot of us have been questioning are use here. A lot of us have felt tired physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A lot of us have felt worthless. When we became vulnerable, we created a special bond and we created unity. Many of us, are more closer than we were before. Through unity, we are strong. Alone, we are weak.
Vulnerability can be tough. It means that there may be times of ridicule. However, it creates deep, rooted relationships. Through vulnerability, we can learn more about ourselves and others, things that only God knows. Through vulnerability, you open the connection between yourself to other people and to God. Without vulnerability, how will others know your story? How will others know who you really are? How will you learn to truly be dependent on God? Without vulnerability, there is no change or growth. Vulnerability is a great thing.
So for now, I will continue to grow. I have a long ways to go, but now I know I'm not alone. No one is. Through God and the new relationships I have formed, their is peace and reconstruction of my past beliefs.
So for now, I will Live Fully. Meaning to Be Brave, Be Bold, Be Wise, and to Be Happy (credits to Jenna and the bracelet she gave me to remember that I'm more than I think I am).
