Friday morning I was informed that my sister back in the states was diagnosed with cancer. Right then and there I wish I could have "volunteered," so to say, take her place. In the book, The Hunger Games, Katniss, the main character, volunteers for her sister Primrose in the hunger games…. I knew exactly how Katniss' character felt and what she was going through, why MY sister, why NOW, WHY WHY WHY?? We ask God why almost everyday, but until Friday I had never truly been so angry at God! This was certainly not my first struggle in life, but this has certainly been the first time I have just wanted to yell at God, I mean really yell in His face type of yell! This is MY sister and I don't want this to happen to her!
Funny thing is I was just talking to some of my teammates about death, and how ready I am. Never did I stop to think about my family's death though. I am NOT ready for that. These last few days I have been trying to compromise with God… I have been telling Him to give me the cancer, take me away, do whatever so that my sister can be healthy. I want SO badly to just take my sister's place…. so that she will not feel any pain.
This beings me back to Jesus and how He must have felt. Not only was it His sisters and brothers, but friends, family, enemies, etc. He Took every single person's place the day He took up that cross! He felt the pain and suffering of the sinful life we were stuck in and wanted to do anything to help us out of that. He chose to take His life in hope that maybe even one might be saved through His sacrifice! He knew we deserved nothing, but continued to give us everything, He died selflessly for the hurt, the broken, the sinners of the world. God feels the pain I am feeling right now; He knows what it is like to see someone hurt, He knows what it is like to watch someone suffer… He watched as His ONLY son shed blood on that cross for me and for you!
So I sit here sad and confused, but I know God is bigger than that. I know God has a plan, I know His plan is written in such an intricate way that none of us will ever understand, but that He would NEVER put us through ANYTHING that we cannot get through without Him! I know MY God is walking beside me, I know I must trust Him, I know He will not let me down, I know He is God and I am NOT! That is what I KNOW, I may not know why, or how, or when… but I do know my God and that He has plans to give me hope!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is a poem I wrote in high school and every time I am going through some struggles I look back and read it. I wanted to share it with anyone else who might be going through some tough stuff right now too!
Unfailing Love
The battles come each day,
that's why we are taught to pray.
There will always be doubts,
but he will be there to help us out.
We will weep,
but he is ours to keep.
We may fall,
but he promises to get us through it all.
No doubt that we will stumble,
but he will always be loving and humble.
As we are about to give up,
he will make sure to refill our cup.
When we think its the end,
he will be there to heal and mend.
We are sinners and are broken,
but to him we are perfect like a golden token.
No matter how far away,
he promises to stay.
We deserve hate while he gives us love,
and he waits for us up above.
One day we will be together,
one day that will be forever!
His love never fails, never runs out, never gives up on me!
-Mossy :).
