I think so far the hardest thing for me in Nicaragua is that we do not have a routine each day. Back in the United States I am always busy. I work a lot and rarely have free time. Although it is good for me to have this down time while I am here, I was expecting my busy lifestyle in Michigan to just turn into a busy lifestyle in Nicaragua; however that has not been the case. Each night we ask our “mom” what we are doing the next day and the response is usually the same, “We are going to do some prayer walking in the morning.” Then sometimes (if we do not have church services) we have plans in the afternoon and sometimes not.
Prayer walking is definitely beneficial once in a while but one of my teammates described it well as a “time filler.” That is exactly what it feels like. Monday morning we were supposed to do a prayer walk to one of the kids Grandmas but he didn’t show up and that is why it gets frustrating. There is a lot of miscommunication here! However the last few days I have been reading through Matthew and repeatedly it talks about faith and that is when I had a realization from God. I have been lacking faith! He said to me, “Stop being frustrated with the “lack of ministry” when there is ministry all around you.” Once again my expectations had been proved wrong!
Even though I feel that we are not doing ministry, talking to these people around us each day is ministry. God showed me that I need to have faith and trust Him so much more than I have been, and this was a good reminder for me right now. Instead of allowing our free time to frustrate me, I am going to work on allowing that time to seek God and open my eyes to how he wants to use me each day. Sometimes bigger things are done in smaller conversations and I need to take advantage of these opportunities.
As Peter began to doubt Jesus while walking on the water in Matthew 14 I feel that I had begun to doubt Jesus this past week. As I allowed myself to be filled with doubt I began to “sink” in the control Satan was having over me, just as Peter began to sink in the lake. In this realization Matthew 14:31b really spoke to me, “You have so little faith,” Jesus said, “Why did you doubt me?”
This is exactly what I needed and I have been filled up once again with Faith!
(It’s also kind of ironic because I have a tattoo on my wrist that says faith!)
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed nothing will be impossible for you.”
Matthew 17:20
