The first few days here were a little hard for me, having expectations of what I thought we might be doing.
Those expectations were broke really quick, along with my heart….
Idk what God was planning for me, or how He might use me here; but after two weeks I may have a small idea. God is using me for love! Pure unconditional love… not the fake kind, but the for real in your face kind of love!
At my church back home, our motto is always. "real with God, real with each other, and real in the world." This motto has specifically spoken to me in the past week I have been in Nicaragua. God wants me to be real, especially with my love… He doesn't want me to "act" like I love people, but really truly love EVERYONE!
I cannot explain it, but this sudden change in me is tugging at my heart strings left and right. Crazy, God wants to use ME to love His people, His sons and daughters! The past week a handful of my teammates have told me they can see how much I care about people and how much I notice… I know I am encouraging, it has always brought me joy to encourage, but never like this. My first blog about Nicaragua explained how I felt perfectly, I LOVE it all!
As we began telling our stories to each other, the more I began to fall in love with my team! I would listen, I mean really listen to each story and feel what they had felt… it was like someone was squeezing my heart for other people's struggles. There really is no way I can make complete sense of this, except that I know God is changing me.
Our contact Ron made me realize what God had been trying to tell me for the past week, Ron broke my heart, God broke my heart. Ron has a wife in the states whom he left to serve God and His broken people. Ron's mother in law is sick and of very old age, he chose to obey God and leave his family back home. We have been getting small updates about his Mom and how things are going, and tonight there was no good news…
As Ron expressed this, I could feel his pain, like his family was my own! I knew we must pray for him and comfort him, I knew God told me to pray for this guy who is way older than myself. I knew God said Ron might be strong, but he was still hurting for his family back home! I began to cry, I loved Ron already in the few days that I knew him, and I was heart broken for him and his family.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:31 (God wanted me to feel Ron's pain as if it was my own)
God is breaking my heart for the hearts that are already broken! god wants me to love like never before. God wants to use me, and I am ready!
I am ready to love now!
-God's servant; yesterday, today, and forever!
