Spiritual Walk in Nica

When I went to Training Camp before this Nica mission, I had no idea what was to come, spiritually, mentally, physically, or environmentally. The first days at training camp in Tuccoa Falls seemed like eternity – tons of worship and activities to bring us closer to the Lord and to cast our burdens and worries to God. This time for me was… uncomfortable, to say the least. My mind flooded with recollections of sheer emptiness in my past.
 
Seeing the happiness, joy, and love around me, merely disgusted me instead of uplifting me. My stomach felt stabbed every time I heard a “Praise God,” “Amen!,” or a “God is Great.” I saw what other people had – true optimism, confidence, comfort, love, security, peace, the list goes on. Unfortunately, I felt the complete opposite. I wanted nothing more than what I saw in these people. Emotions took the best of me and I completely broke down. I cried daily during training camp due to feeling broken, unloved, unworthy, and a whole mix of negativity. We continuously heard “These are thoughts from the Devil, ” “Those aren’t God’s thoughts,” and “God Loves You!” Phrases like these meant nothing – they felt like empty sentences. I believed there was more than what I had in my life. Sadly, I had no idea what that special thing was or how to attain it. People continuously saying “You need the Truth,” which led me more into a downward spiral instead of bringing me back out. It was a horrible cycle of discomfort and negativity.
 
Regardless of the sadness, there was honestly no other place I wanted to be. I knew I was in the correct place. Random people came up to me at various moments and just placed a hand on my shoulder, spoke encouraging words, and even shared vivid images of what they saw for me in my life – all people whom I have never met before. These people were, and are, doing exactly what God placed us here to do – to Love. The love and compassion people shared with me is what truly made the difference.
 
Love, relatable to many people, has been a huge struggle in my walk with Christ. I believed that He died for you, for my family, for my friends, and random strangers, but I felt incapable to believe the same for me. The same thing applied to God’s love for us – I never saw or felt it in my life. I felt completely drowned in darkness, and felt like everyone else was walking in the brightest of light. I wouldn’t dare walk up to someone and say, “you are hated,” “you are ugly,” or “you are a horrible person.” Why, then, would I feel that way for myself?
 
The reality of the power of the devil has been revealed to me. The Enemy has been in my life for many years, filling my mind with dishonest thoughts and inadequacies. I have discovered, with feeling, that:
 
When we are happy, he is angry.
When we draw closer to God, he tries harder to pull us away.
He wants nothing more than for us to be separated from the Lord because:
 

 
Our weapon against the Enemy is, you’ve guessed it, LOVE. The Enemy abhors love.
 
As people came up to me and shared Love, I attained a sense of peace, comfort, and belonging. The feeling of acceptance overwhelmed me, even when my face was beet red and tears were streaming down my face. I had the privilege to see Christ work though those individuals. He spoke through them to hit me with a 2×4 with His Truth – painful, but real. All of the inadequacies in my life have surfaced up during this mission and God has said, “Hey Kacie, it’s time to realize the Truth and make these thoughts history! I will help you through them.”
 
I have truly discovered that God loves me. I, Kacie Leigh Sebek, am loved. I am loved by God, our creator, our protector, our everything.
 

 
Friends, you are special in God’s eyes. It matters NOT what others think, what others say. You are God’s child and He created you to be the individual that you are, with the gifts you attain. Sure, the person next to you might have something that you don’t, and you might be a little envious. But, I’d bet you have something they don’t have either. Am I right? That’s God’s work. He knows that you need the gifts that you have to best serve Him.
 

 
God is Good. Everything that is good comes from God. I challenge you, my friend, to not dwell on the negative as I have done for years. Do not focus on what you do not have or what you want, but instead praise the Lord for all of the blessings you have. The Enemy will try to overwhelm your mind with negativity, unworthiness, discomfort, but I pray that you will fight him with LOVE. Seek out love, love yourself, and love others. I say this to you, just as I say it to myself, you are significant and truly impact others. You are LOVED – recognize it.