If I could use one word to sum up Nicaragua it would be: healing.
When I landed in Nicaragua I was faced with all of the problems I was running away from. Then I had sixty days to just sit and think about it. The biggest being the recovery from my sexual assault that happened my freshman year of college.
As the days here in countrypassed I found for the past 2 1/2 years I have been living as a victim. I was living in disgrace as if I should have done something differently that night. I was holding onto something because I was afraid to forget that it happened. That God would forget if my assailant repented. that God wouldnt justify what happened to me and I found this is where the enemy was winning. He was creating the same doubt he did in the garden with Eve. In Genesis 3:5 the devil creates doubt in Eve that God doesnt want what is best for her. That he is really selfish and wants all the knowledge to himself. For me the enemy took the gift of grace, turned it and made me doubt Gods promise in Psalm 72:12-14 it says
For he delivers theneedy when he calls, the poor and him who ahs no helper. He has pity on the weak and the needy and saves the lives of the needy. From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.
Once I realized this my whole perspective changed.
My sexual assault is no longer mine. By holding onto it I am limiting the significance of what happened on the cross. I have made a choice to lay this at the feet of my savior. It is for him to pick it up and carry it. I am worth what Jesus did for me, I am worth grace, I am worth being fought for , and I am worth no longer carrying this.
Healing has set in, Forgiveness has started, I am set free
