As I sit in a quaint cafe sipping freshly brewed coffee I find myself in a position of complete vulnerability and wavering emotions. This is a small look at my heart and the present circumstance that has led me to a deeper evaluation of the woman I am and the life I am moving to leave behind.
At the beginning of this week I recieved some news that would challenge a hidden desire and hope I have been clinging to for many years of my life. A hope that rested on a wrong belief. This belief was centered on a goal that was unattainable and unrealistic. I don't know about you, but when I realized in a moment that a door I had believed to be cracked open had only been an illusion, I felt defeated. I found out the truth that I had been living in chains that never existed, in a prison I created, and a lock I felt only one person could break. I was basing my success on an outcome rather then the walk of faith it takes within the circumstance. I also believed my self-worth was dependent on how others viewed me. How wrong I was. I say to myself and I say to the world I am free. Its amazing how we say we believe one thing and yet our lives and our hearts reflect something completely different. It's true when people say you live what you believe. Through the present circumstance I face I believe God has in store a renewed vision for myself, new hope for the future, new faith in each day, and a peace that surpasses all understanding. I thank you Lord for changed plans, dissappointments, sufferings, and trials for I know they can only be a testimony to your glory. I am now moving to be the woman God desires for me to be, not the woman I believed I had to be for someone else.
