My hands and knees meet the floor
Crawling, I peer underneath
I catch the slightest glimpse of it, but it escapes my clumsy grasp
Straining my neck, supporting my body by the balls of my feet
Standing, I peer above
I catch the slightest glimpse of it, but it escapes my increasingly determined grasp
Eyes closed, journeying inward
Meditating, I search for it within
My pure intentions cannot coax it from its hiding place
My feet meet the earth in rapid succession
Sprinting, I search for it in the distant unknown
My desperation drives it even farther away
My search intensifies but my thoughts become clouded as I remember reality
Poverty. War. Rape. Greed. Loneliness. Exploitation. Hunger.
Crawling, standing, meditating, sprinting
But it can be caught neither below nor above nor deep within nor far away
PovertyWarRapeGreedPainLonelinessExploitationHungerDisease
Stop.
I cry out to the living God.
How can I find it when everything in our world has driven it away?
Even if I were to find it, would I not feel guilty about doing so?
How can I find it when…
He and his siblings fall asleep to the sound of their empty stomachs every night?
Or when she is raped every night by middle-aged perverts?
Or when she decays within the four walls of her concrete cell, unnoticed by the rest of the world?
Despite all of the pain in our world, I know I need it in order to persevere.
I need it more than a drug.
It is that fleeting element I constantly search for amidst all the chaos of our world.
IMPOSSIBLE JOY.
